精校书屋

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第32部分（第2页）

〃Well　stay　till　after　dinner；〃　Catherine　said。　〃And　Ill　not　leave　you　alone　if　you　want　me　to　stay。　I　wont　leave　you　alone；　Fergy。〃

〃No。　No。　I　want　you　to　go。　I　want　you　to　go。〃　She　wiped　her　eyes。　〃Im　so　unreasonable。　Please　dont　mind　me。〃

The　girl　who　served　the　meal　had　been　upset　by　all　the　crying。　Now　as　she　brought　in　the　next　course　she　seemed　relieved　that　things　were　better。

That　night　at　the　hotel；　in　our　room　with　the　long　empty　hall　outside　and　our　shoes　outside　the　door；　a　thick　carpet　on　the　floor　of　the　room；　outside　the　windows　the　rain　falling　and　in　the　room　light　and　pleasant　and　cheerful；　then　the　light　out　and　it　exciting　with　smooth　sheets　and　the　bed　fortable；　feeling　that　we　had　e　home；　feeling　no　longer　alone；　waking　in　the　night　to　find　the　other　one　there；　and　not　gone　away；　all　other　things　were　unreal。　We　slept　when　we　were　tired　and　if　we　woke　the　other　one　woke　too　so　one　was　not　alone。　Often　a　man　wishes　to　be　alone　and　a　girl　wishes　to　be　alone　too　and　if　they　love　each　other　they　are　jealous　of　that　in　each　other；　but　I　can　truly　say　we　never　felt　that。　We　could　feel　alone　when　we　were　together；　alone　against　the　others。　It　has　only　happened　to　me　like　that　once。　I　have　been　alone　while　I　was　with　many　girls　and　that　is　the　way　that　you　can　be　most　lonely。　But　we　were　never　lonely　and　never　afraid　when　we　were　together。　I　know　that　the　night　is　not　the　same　as　the　day：　that　all　things　are　different；　that　the　things　of　the　night　cannot　be　explained　in　the　day；　because　they　do　not　then　exist；　and　the　night　can　be　a　dreadful　time　for　lonely　people　once　their　loneliness　has　started。　But　with　Catherine　there　was　almost　no　difference　in　the　night　except　that　it　was　an　even　better　time。　If　people　bring　so　much　courage　to　this　world　the　world　has　to　kill　them　to　break　them；　so　of　course　it　kills　them。　The　world　breaks　every　one　and　afterward　many　are　strong　at　the　broken　places。　But　those　that　will　not　break　it　kills。　It　kills　the　very　good　and　the　very　gentle　and　the　very　brave　impartially。　If　you　are　none　of　these　you　can　be　sure　it　will　kill　you　too　but　there　will　be　no　special　hurry。

I　remember　waking　in　the　morning。　Catherine　was　asleep　and　the　sunlight　was　ing　in　through　the　window。　The　rain　had　stopped　and　I　stepped　out　of　bed　and　across　the　floor　to　the　window。　Down　below　were　the　gardens；　bare　now　but　beautifully　regular；　the　gravel　paths；　the　trees；　the　stone　wall　by　the　lake　and　the　lake　in　the　sunlight　with　the　mountains　beyond。　I　stood　at　the　window　looking　out　and　when　I　turned　away　I　saw　Catherine　was　awake　and　watching　me。

〃How　are　you；　darling？〃　she　said。　〃Isnt　it　a　lovely　day？〃

〃How　do　you　feel？〃

〃I　feel　very　well。　We　had　a　lovely　night。〃

〃Do　you　want　breakfast？〃

She　wanted　breakfast。　So　did　I　and　we　had　it　in　bed；　the　November　sunlight　ing　in　the　window；　and　the　breakfast　tray　across　my　lap。

〃Dont　you　want　the　paper？　You　always　wanted　the　paper　in　the　hospital？〃

〃No；〃　I　said。　〃I　dont　want　the　paper　now。〃

〃Was　it　so　bad　you　dont　want　even　to　read　about　it？〃

〃I　dont　want　to　read　about　it。〃

〃I　wish　I　had　been　with　you　so　I　would　know　about　it　too。〃

〃Ill　tell　you　about　it　if　I　ever　get　it　straight　in　my　head。〃

〃But　wont　they　arrest　you　if　they　catch　you　out　of　uniform？〃

〃Theyll　probably　shoot　me。〃

〃Then　well　not　stay　here。　Well　get　out　of　the　country。〃

〃Id　thought　something　of　that。〃

〃Well　get　out。　Darling；　you　shouldnt　take　silly　chances。　Tell　me　how　did　you　e　from　Mestre　to　Milan？〃

〃I　came　on　the　train。　I　was　in　uniform　then。〃

〃Werent　you　in　danger　then？〃

〃Not　much。　I　had　an　old　order　of　movement。　I　fixed　the　dates　on　it　in　Mestre。〃

〃Darling；　youre　liable　to　be　arrested　here　any　time。　I　wont　have　it。　Its　silly　to　do　something　like　that。　Where　would　we　be　if　they　took　you　off？〃

〃Lets　not　think　about　it。　Im　tired　of　thinking　about　it。〃

〃What　would　you　do　if　they　came　to　arrest　you？〃

〃Shoot　them。〃

〃You　see　how　silly　you　are；　I　wont　let　you　go　out　of　the　hotel　until　we　leave　here。〃

〃Where　are　we　going　to　go？〃

〃Please　dont　be　that　way；　darling。　Well　go　wherever　you　say。　But　please　find　some　place　to　go　right　away。〃

〃Switzerland　is　down　the　lake；　we　can　go　there。〃

〃That　will　be　lovely。〃

It　was　clouding　over　outside　and　the　lake　was　darkening。

〃I　wish　we　did　not　always　have　to　live　like　criminals；〃　I　said。

〃Darling；　dont　be　that　way。　You　havent　lived　like　a　criminal　very　long。　And　we　never　live　like　criminals。　Were　going　to　have　a　fine　time。〃

〃I　feel　like　a　criminal。　Ive　deserted　from　the　army。〃

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